Saying “NO” is a Complete Sentence

No is a complete sentence.

We all have them; people that drive us to mentally figure out “How to Get Away with Murder“. They ask you to do something that you clearly don’t want to do, so you mutter, “No.” That clearly doesn’t deter them. They continue on, and very much like a child in the cereal aisle tormenting a tired parent on a shopping trip, they wear you down, until you just say yes, to get them as far away from you as possible.

Saying “NO” is a Complete Sentence

Boundaries are a beautiful thing. It gives you a line to where you can set them, and folks can see where they can push you- but no further. Boundaries are for you to set, forward or back, but it’s your job to set them. To some, they are easy to set; for the rest of us, setting boundaries takes some practice. Here are a few tips that work for me –

  1. Making sure your head is in agreement with your NO – Nodding your head while saying NO gives
    Jessica Williams saying NO

    Make sure that your head aligns with you saying NO. You would be amazed at how often you nod saying NO.

    the person asking an opportunity to wear you down. It may sound crazy, but see how you look when you say ‘no’. You’d be surprised how you may have been giving mixed signals unconsciously.

  2. Make sure your body isn’t betraying you – Your posture dictates when people can get away with foolishness. If you are standing up straight, and look like you are about a sense of purpose, it is less likely that people will bug you. If you look like the last kid picked for dodgeball, your posture is saying it’s a good time to get away with something inane.
  3. Find more than one way to say it – the moment you are asked, depending on the situation, screaming at the top of your lungs may not be the most appropriate way to answer the question. Find a different way to say it, and apply that way to the appropriate situation.

Remember – 1) it takes practice to maintain boundaries and 2) people will constantly try to move your boundaries to fit their agenda. Saying NO to someone or a situation is essentially saying YES to you and your own agenda. Self-care is NOT selfish, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

P.S. – I know that this isn’t the complete list on saying NO. What do you do to maintain your boundaries and keep your sanity?

 

 

Askin’ all them questions…

There have been several occasions where when I’ve talked about my profession, that there have been awkward questions wanted to be asked, but haven’t because we were in mixed company.

There was a video that was recently released through Buzzfeed Video, that tackled some of these awkward questions. Some of these questions I have already covered (Part 1, 2 & 3), so I’ll only cover a few points.

  1. Flirting (with the client, or client flirting with the therapist)- I do my best not to flirt with the client; that tends to blur the lines of professionalism, and can be taken for more than the words intend. I’ve had several clients flirt with me after a session, to which I reply, “I’ll let my husband know.” Because I am married, and have been so all the time that I have been a therapist, I tell my husband all about the funny interactions that I have (names redacted, of course), so that there is no worry on his end.
  2. Erections – There is nothing more stressful for most men is that they may get an erection on the table during a massage. Male or female therapist; it doesn’t matter. An erection is basically a response by the body that tends to come up at the most inopportune moments. Bill Engvall made a whole standup routine about it. If I do have to work in the inner leg
    Pain and Referral patterns of Sartorius muscle. Source - Real Bodywork

    Pain and Referral patterns of Sartorius muscle. Source – Real Bodywork

    or upper leg, the sheet will be properly tucked, and your hand will be there as a border. Now, if the hand begins to migrate away, to accidently have something illicit happen, the session will be terminated. For the record, I’m not looking for them to happen; it’s not my guidepost as to whether or not a good massage session has happened. What I do look for is what the response from the client is. You as the client are trying not to have it happen, and I’m not trying to make it happen. The usual response, “Look what you are doing to me!” and statements that are designed to bring attention to said erection are grounds for termination of session.

  1. Farting – It is a totally natural experience that happens when you are on the table, and are completely relaxed. Believe me, we both are thinking the same thing – “I hope I don’t fart.” If it happens, it happens.
  2. Underwear – If you feel comfortable with having your underwear on, by all means keep them on. There are a few types of massage that would require you to remove them- Lomi Lomi, for example. If your massage requires that I need
    Pain and Referral patterns of Pec Major muscle. Source - Real Bodywork

    Pain and Referral patterns of Pec Major muscle. Source – Real Bodywork

    to work on your back, your bra would have to be removed. Your breast tissue will be covered when I have to work on the upper chest (your pecs, major and minor) by both the sheet, as well as your hand. It helps create a sense of safety for you, and a border for me to work within.

These are only a few topics I hear on a regular basis. If you would like to hear more topics covered, check out my posts here.  If you have questions about massage, feel free to ask! I’ll answer them the best I can.

Get Connected – 5th Anniversary Celebration Event

Get Connected has steadily grown over the past 5 years as the premier networking event for people in the Atlanta Film Entertainment industry.

They are ready to kick off 2016 with a BANG! Come and celebrateGet Connected their 5th Year Anniversary, and their 1st Jubilee (50th event) at the fabulous Pinewood Studios Production Centre!